FibDems

Thanks to the wonders of the DVD recorder, it is possible these days to imagine yourself in two places at once. If you are a Liberal Democrat, you can be in three, four, and sometimes more political locations simultaneously, watching yourself coming and going.

On one screen yesterday afternoon, I had Menzies Campbell entertaining the faithful down in Brighton with an excoriating dismissal of New Labour.

Wealth inequalities, public services, the environment, civil liberties; "a foreign policy which is neither ethical nor effective": failed, failed, failed. Who could possibly work with such people?

Then the picture flickered slightly. Suddenly Ming the Merciful was heaping praise on Nicol Stephen, his Scottish leader, a "driving force behind progressive politics", what with the "abolition" of tuition fees and the like. (Small digression: will I eventually have to cough up fees for the student of the house, or will I not?)

But how did Nicol achieve such breakthroughs? Was it thanks to the massed ranks of LibDem MSPs, or could it be - say it ain't so - that the leader of Ming's Scottish legion of decency has been supping with the Labour devil, like his predecessor before him?

It amounts to a favourite old Liberal slogan slightly amended: go back to your constituencies and prepare for coalition. Just don't let on to the voters.

Mr Stephen may believe sincerely that he will lead Scotland's largest party next May. I believe in little green men.

Zark and Booj-Booj left the coalition talks confident that Nicol would allow the scrapping of all life on earth

# posted by Porridge Oatens @ 4:12 PM