Monday, July 31, 2006


FibDems First To The Ball...

The BBC reports that Charles Kennedy has denied he will mount a leadership challenge against Ming the Hopeless.

We reported ages ago that there were murmurings of discontent and talk of a challenge from a stalking horse.

It seems this is more and more likely by the day.


Must See TV

Set your video recorders this Friday folks. Mister Inquisitor spotted this highlight in the Channel 4 schedule.


30 MINUTES 5/10: Charles Kennedy - Politics and Power

In this edition of 30 Minutes Charles Kennedy, former leader of the Liberal Democrats, examines the problem at the heart of British politics: the way politicians too often sacrifice their principles in the pursuit of power. He investigates why the political culture can lead politicians to actively avoid talking to the public about the key issues facing the country and what the repercussions have been. Speaking about his experiences fighting six general elections, Kennedy compares notes with parliamentary colleagues including Michael Howard, Ian Duncan Smith, Baroness Jay, Norman Tebbit, Baroness Morris and Jonathan Cruddas. Prod/ Dirs: Anna Murphy, Richard Max, Exec Prod: Dimitri Doganis, Series Ed: Sam Collyns, Prod Co: Mentorn/RAW

I wonder if he means the sacrifice of principles on such issues as:

Fairer taxes

Abolishing Bridge Tolls

Not privatising the Post Office

Extraordinary rendition flights and Bomb laden planes landing at Scottish airports

Tuition fees

Scrapping Council Tax

The Arms Trade

Nuclear Power

Opposing Trident

Road Safety

The Private Finance Initiative

Mister Inquisitor will be cracking open the custard creams ahead of what should be an entertaining exercise in rank hypocrisy from Charlie K.

Thursday, July 27, 2006


Nicol Bush?

Interesting to see Old Porridge has posted a rather unflattering piece about Nicol Stephen.

Interesting also to see one member of the public mistook him for George Bush!

In fairness, George Bush probably appears on more Lib Dem leaflets than Nicol does!

Anyway, Porridge recently asked about Nicol and Jeb's meeting, and the possibility of a photo. As ever Mr Inquisitor is happy to oblige.

Nicol's advisors were worried that he was perhaps taking the George Bush comparison too far as he unveiled his new election agent.


Nobody left in charge of Scotland

Brilliant article in the Scottish Daily Mail about Nicol Stephen taking control of Scotland whilst Jack McConnell takes a well earned rest from having to listen to their hypocritical whining and two-faced lies.

Unfortunately it's not online so old Porridge has had to do some copy typing - hence why it has taken me four days to get it up. Old Porridge also wonders if the Scottish Daily Mail has been enjoying FibDems for inspiration since it's the type of thing we love. Well it was I who postulated the question of what is the point of Nicol Stephen?

Anyway...on with the edited highlights...

This is the man now in charge of Scotland. But most of us have no idea who he is.

Since Jack McConnell went on holiday more than a week ago, the task of running Scotland has passed to his deputy.

But while Nicol Stephen’s temporary promotion may have handed him the responsibility of overseeing government, it hasn’t brought him fame.

A new poll reveals that nearly nine out of ten Scots don’t recognise the deputy First Minister.

The finding will alarm the leader of the LibDems, who says his party can become the largest in Holyrood after the next Scottish elections only ten months away...

A survey for the Scottish Daily Mail saw researchers take to the streets of Aberdeen, Dundee, Edinburgh, Glasgow and Inverness.

We found that only 29 out of the 250 people asked 11% could identify a picture of Mr Stephen.

Some believed it was of US President George Bush while other guesses ranged from evangelist Billy Graham to the late entertainer Roy Castle.

In Dundee, only one member of the public out of 50 asked could identify Mr Stephen.

Web designer Danny Cassidy, 31, admitted - “I have absolutely no idea who he is. It is scary to think that someone who I would never recognise is running the country and making decisions for me.”

Retail supervisor Vikki Thomson, 22, said -“I keep up with what’s going on in Scotland, but I have never seen his face before.”

The older generation fared little better. Retiree Alistair Bruce, 66, said, “He looks like a mixture of George W Bush and Tony Blair”, while Margaret Craig, 72, asked, “Is it that Communist from Glasgow who’s been in the papers for being a naughty boy?

In Aberdeen, where Mr Stephen is the MSP for the Aberdeen South constituency, only ten of the 50 people we asked could positively identified the deputy First Minister.

Student midwife Catherine Cruickshank, 30, admitted she had “absolutely no idea” and, despite having once served him in a local restaurant, Pat Gray couldn’t name Mr Stephen either. She said - “He’s a very good-looking chap, but I’ve got to be honest, I don’t really know what he does.”

Jim Robertson, 60, said - “I know he’s the deputy First Minister, but I imagine most folk confuse him with squash player Peter Nicol, who is far more important anyway.”

Salesman Richard Miller, 48, wondered - “How does someone who I could never have recognised manage to attain such a high position?”

Only three out of 50 shoppers on Glasgow’s Buchanan Street recognised Mr Stephen.

Office worker Guy Hanlon, 29, said, “His name doesn’t even ring any bells”, while even politics student Mike O’Brian, 20, from Falkirk, was stumped. He said - “I am quite embarrassed I didn’t know that.”

However, customer service manager Gordon Hodge, 29, only had to glance at the photograph before correctly naming Nicol Stephen.

He said - “I am very surprised I am one of so few who recognised him. But I didn’t know Jack McConnell was on holiday at the moment.” [Spot the LibDem feigning surprise at Nicol's lack of profile.]

Mr Stephen fared best of all in Inverness, where 13 out of 50 people recognised him.

Yet there were still vastly varying responses. Nairnshire resident Donald Watson, 44, who works in publishing, wondered if he was a comedian, while local labourer John Stevenson, 27, thought he was a daytime television presenter.

Emily Ross, 38, a secretary from Dingwall, Ross & Cromarty, said - “He looks a bit young to be Billy Graham, but he has the look of a preacher of some sort.”

Meanwhile, in Edinburgh the hub of Scottish politics only two out of the 50 people asked recognised Mr Stephen.

Student Caroline Crawford, 18, thought the picture was of George Bush, while pensioner Hugh Doherty, 70, from Burntisland, Fife, guessed Roy Castle.

Student Michelle Hastwell, 20, summed up the responses, stating - “I feel like I should, but I don’t.”

Mr Stephen put a brave face on the survey. He said - “The level of recognition is probably higher than last year when I took up the job [What! When no-one knew you?]. I intend to keep going in the right direction and boosting my recognition.”

Please! Please! The more people who know you, the more people will know what two faces you have and what an inflated conceit you have of yourself.

Nicol was overcome with emotion as crowds of fans and well-wishers thronged him on the streets of Aberdeen asking for his autograph and permission to name their babies after him


Bombs Away!!!

More dripping sanctimony from the greatest charlatans in British politics.

Responding to the news that US missiles had been moved through Prestwick Airport the sanctimonious one (i.e. Ming Crooked Mouth) made known his feelings by saying:

"If these reports are true, it is particularly provocative for the United States to have acted in this way...[why, of course old chap]...It can only reinforce the belief of many that Britain is taken for granted in the so-called special relationship...["Taken for granted" - Noted]...Who knows how many of these munitions may be used to cause the kind of damage to Lebanon which the prime minister of that country described in Rome as cutting his country to pieces...[My, my, how dramatic]"

But as regular readers of FibDems will know this is not the first time the Fibs have wrung their hands about things American going through Prestwick. Who can forget Old Ming Waldorf getting upset about a rendition flights at Prime Minister’s Questions. As has been pointed out it was strange that he didn’t get on the blower to the Scottish Transport minister - FibDem Trash-it Scott.

However both Trash-it and the even more hapless nicol Stephen have done and said nothing. Are they taking their own "special relationship" in the Executive "for granted" (Copyright Mr M. Campbell) and actually care more for being in power than stopping what they say is a country being cut to pieces.

So much for their oh so much vaunted "principles".

Ming regretted not asking Trash-it to take action after Hizbollah were found to have dug in at Anstruther

Friday, July 21, 2006


Danny Alexander: King of the PQ?

Just in case the constituents of Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey will sleep easy knowing the answer to this question:

Danny Alexander (Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey): To ask the Secretary of State for Defence, what estimate he has made of the number of people injured or killed in Iraq in the last 12 months for (a) wearing shorts, (b) wearing jeans, (c) wearing hair gels and similar products, (d) not wearing a hijab, (e) having a goatee beard, (f) wearing a necklace and (g) using a cell phone in public. (88540)

Now Squealer does not always agree with Jacky Straw , but when I look at questions like this, that cost the taxpayer a whack of cash...maybe the man has the point. Not only is the question totally unanwserable, but I wouldn't recommend that soldiers bang on the doors of Basra asking, 'the word on the street is you got a beef with hair gel? what about jeans?'. The most outrageous thing is that it was a named day question. Glad that goes to the top of the MOD's to do list.

My advice to Beaker is to get his researchers to ask difficult questions like, 'To ask the Prime Minister how many times I have not lied to my constituents.'

Beaker realized, only after severe burns, there was an easier way to remove hair gel

Thursday, July 20, 2006


A picture worth taking

According to Governor Jeb Bush of Florida is to "have private meetings with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Scottish Deputy First Minister Nicol Stephen and Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern" as part of a trade mission.

Such a pity it is a private meeting as the Fibs use this photo of his brother with Tony Blair in order to raise voters ire and get votes on a negative agenda.

Could it be that Nicol Who wants to avoid the tables being turned on him as other parties use both photos to show how two faced the Fibs are? A photo like this would return a tidy profit for some freelance photographer as other parties snapped it up:

Jeb didn't realise he was being spun when Nicol claimed he was more virile than Tommy Sheridan


Will-lie Nae Mates

One of my spies in the south tells me an interesting tale from the terrace last night.

Dunfermline and West Fife fraud MP Will-lie Rennie was seen forlornly wandering up and down the terrace looking equally forlornly for someone to meet as groups of politicos sat relaxing throwing warm beer and G&T's down their throats. One wonders why the victor of such a victorious victory could be so ignored?

What with the Fibs desperately trying to bore voters to death with how good they are (at lying to get votes) you would have thought they they would mention wee Will-lie as well. Could it be that his colleagues are embarrassed about how he brings a focus to their duplicity? Or maybe they do have some principles on the arms trade? Or is it simply the case that he does absolutely nothing to get himself out there?

All in all it did look like Will-lie Nae Mates. And with 60 odd colleagues compared to the likes of Richard Taylor's none it must be a right scunner to see the doctor in the company of many from other parties whilst he passes by unnoticed.

Will-lie was nervous when the party appointed Fraser MacPherson as his special friend


Some House of Common Sense

My little eagle eyed friend has sent me another example of fibdemery getting its due comeuppance in the Houses of Parliament. Only yesterday they were pontificating about how bad audiology services were being run by the Government. Thank God this little act of crocodile concerned tears was exposed. Old Porridge may not agree with the duo's politics (at least they have them) but did enjoy what seems like a sensible ceasefire when it comes to the Fibs trying to escape the responsibilities of Government in Scotland:
Angus Robertson (Moray, Scottish National Party): This is an important issue for people throughout the UK. What is the Minister doing to establish best practice between the UK Government and devolved Administrations? Does he agree that it is strange to hear oppositionist tones from the Liberal Democrats on this subject when in Scotland, they are in government?

Ivan Lewis (Parliamentary Under-Secretary, Department of Health): Frankly, I am not surprised to hear that the Liberal Democrats are saying one thing in Scotland and something entirely different in England. In my experience in my constituency, they say one thing in one ward and something else in a neighbouring ward.
So a round of applause to Messers Robertson and Lewis for showing the Lobby what a bunch of chancers the Fibs are.

"Sorry, I still can't hear you above the din of my sanctimonious cant."


It was only resting...honestly

My thanks to Iain Dale for highlighting this one (otherwise Old Porridge would have missed it in a drunken haze).

This morning I received an email tip-off about the status of 5th Avenue Partners, the company run by Michael Brown which donated £2.4 million to the LibDems last year. I have now checked it out with Companies House and I can reveal that the company is being struck off the Companies House register of UK companies.

More damagingly, Companies House is alleging that the company has never traded in the UK and they are in correspondence with the Inland Revenue on the matter. A letter was sent by the Registrar of Companies to the Inland Revenue on 17 July asking for a prompt reply. They are inquiring if the Inland Revenue has ever had any dealings with 5th Avenue Partners.

If the allegation that the company has never traded is proved to be true, the LibDems will be in serious trouble for having accepted a donation from a company which has no UK base.

Oh dear. If that is the case all the Fibs claims of taking the money are looking a bit threadbare. But they were anyway as this usual example of Fib double-speak shows.

And along with the above Iain does a fine rundown of the growing elephant in the room that looks like sitting on our Fibbing friends. How tragic would that be?

April 28 LibDem Donation Scandal Gets Worse HERE
April 26 The Questions Ming Must Answer HERE
April 24 Electoral Commision to Investigate LibDem Donation HERE
April 21 LibDems Face having to Pay Back Donation HERE
April 21 LibDem Donor Faces Fraid Charges HERE

Father Ted was mightily relieved he had turned down Michael's offer to let him rest some cash in the Parish Account


Ming Mangled?

Readers will recall that we posted a recent article in which Charlie K sharpened his knives.

It seems that Ming may well have been struck the fatal blow today.

FibDems learns that this article in the Herald, along with yet another dismal performance at PMQs, is likely to lead to a number of potential challengers mulling things over during recess.

We don't anticipate Charles Kennedy returning just yet, but a stalking horse cannot be ruled out.

Charlie decided to deliver the poll results to Ming personally.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


Giving a Good Account of Themselves

Why do the Scottish Fib Dems need an extension to the July 7th deadline to submit audited accounts to the Electoral Commission?

Could it have anything at all to do with a certain £2.4 million?

We couldn't possibly speculate on such matters, suffice it to say that it is more likely yet another fine example of Nicol and Tavish doing their usual incompetent job of things.

After all, if Nicol can make this mess out of Scottish Enterprise's budget, screwing up his own party's accounts should be a walk in the park.

Alarm bells rang at Electoral Commission HQ when the Scottish Lib Dem accounts were delivered.

Sunday, July 16, 2006


Dodgy goes Postal... being found out.

An interesting post I found on RidiculousPolitics and one the doddery old fart missed (No, I know what you're thinking. I mean me and not Ming):
Lib Dem post office lies
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. It appears that the Lib Dems just keep on lying to everyone about their plans on the post office, and then go and shout more lies left right and centre.

Today we focus on Charlie Kennedy, who has launched a campaign to save the post office, apparently. He has delivered a petition to Number 10 calling on Tony to save the post office.

But the person who the post office most needs saved from is... Charlie Kennedy. Or Ming Campbell. Or, indeed, any Lib Dem going.

As we know, their policy is to privatise the post office. They would sell of 75% of shares in the Royal Mail, wth the majority of those being sold on the open market. The government would become a minority shareholder, not the sole shareholder.

But now they have been attacked by the SNP...but in an extraordinary development, fresh-faced Liberal MP Danny "my election leaflet looks like Heat magazine" Alexander, has claimed: "we have no plans to privatise the Post Office". This just ins't true.

Of the 75% of shares to be sold off, about two thirds would be sold on the open market, and the remaining third to employees (who would be free to sell their shares on to anyone they want).
The total composition of shares would look like this:

49% - private companies
25.5% - government
25.5% - employees

So it would just take 1% of shares to be sold by employees to private companies for the Lib Dems to have privatised the post office.

So it just isn't true to say "we have no plans to privatise the post office". Shame on you, but no surprise really.

You can read the Press and Journal story here.
Old Porridge decided to look at Dodgy's remarks and was amazed at the gymnastic style fibbery: "We have no plans to privatise the Post Office [followed by] we would, by selling a minority holding in Royal Mail."

A bit like saying: "I have no plans to drive the car today and will be turning left at the junction in two minutes."

Jo's spelling was improving but she always had trouble in remembering to put the "y" at the start of "your" in order to warn voters about her party's plans

PS.1 Jo Swinson seems to need her hand held a lot by that woman - Exhibit A, Exhibit B.

PS.2 Apologies for the slight edit Ridicuous but FibDem Towers being a multiparty venture some of the more sensitive creatures get a bit anxious if we draw away from the focus on the Fibs and bring in other parties. Ta for the link though.


Publish and be damned

Oh dear, what can the matter be? The Sunday Times reports today that the "autobiography of Sir Menzies Campbell, the embattled [Porridge likes that - "embattled"] leader of the Liberal Democrats, has been shelved two months before it was due to be published."

Apparently "the official reason for scrapping the publication was that Campbell was “too busy” [Yeah right] to co-operate with its ghost writer, but party insiders believe it may contain damaging details of his role in the downfall of Charles Kennedy, his predecessor.

Can this be the same Ming Campbell who said of his party's policy on increasing aviation fuel (which will keep the proles off the cheap flights and the peasants on their islands) : "I think that's the kind of directness and honesty that our party ought to subscribe to."

Or how about these classic examples of Ming hyocrisy against David Cameron: "Insubstantial policy statements, empty pledges, the obsession with media spin. These are the aspects of Blairism that Mr Cameron has been fastest to adopt [Don't you mean FibDemism Ming?] ... people today want their politicians to be honest about their beliefs, to make promises they can keep [Not the Scottish FibDem MSPs then Ming] ... Britain needs leaders of experience, proven good judgement, who people know they can trust. That’s my territory Mr Cameron, not yours. [Such modesty!]"

So I take it after that self-effacing polemic you will be publishing since you are a direct, honest, upfront, trustworthy sort of guy? Thought not. But since it's a relative of a former Tory MP who wrote it I'm sure it will find it's way into cyber space.

Even after ritual beheading by angry publishers Ming's head kept on lying

Saturday, July 15, 2006


Taxi for Dodgy!

My thanks to an eagle eyed spotter who noticed yet another example of misleading fibbery in Dodgy Alexander's fuel debate.

Asked by Mark Lazarowicz if Dodgy's scheme would apply to Inverness the Fibber for Argyll, Alan Reid replied: "Clearly, Inverness would not be a beneficiary. When my hon. Friend the Member for Inverness, Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey (Dodgy) made the proposal, he was talking about Nairn, Badenoch and Strathspey rather than about Inverness."

Oh really? So why does Dodgy not mention this in his press release about the matter? It says it wants to "allow a lower level of fuel duty to be charged in remote and rural areas such as the Highlands and Islands" and in "the Highlands we face a triple whammy" and "for now, following the French and Portuguese example would be a good start in recognising the real cost and necessity of driving in the Highlands".

Old Porridge may have an old atlas but as far as I was aware Inverness was in the Highlands. How did Dodgy forget to mention that it was excluded in his grand plan to tell his voters one thing whilst proposing another?

Does his local paper know? Do the local taxi drivers?

There was great disappointment when Inverness taxi drivers
discovered what type of taxi Dodgy had bought them


Opportunisty Knocks

Never let it be said that the FibDems don't do brazen shame when another party is in a little bit of difficulty.

In response to the arrest of Lord Levy over the loans for lordship thingy a one Norman Lamb, FibDem Meister Minging Crooked Mouth's chief of lies, said: "The proximity with which Lord Levy operates to Downing Street means that these reports raise serious questions for the prime minister and the Labour party as a whole."

Mmmmm. Is that so Norman. So I take it you'll be wanting the £2.4 million question surrounding the arrest of FibDem donor Michael Brown answered as well? Like was it nicked cash as a collection of investors claim and if so will you hand back this stolen propety?

Happily David Hencke of the Gaurdian hasn't let that one pass him by: "The Liberal Democrats are not out of the loop either - their biggest donor, Michael Brown, who gave them £2.4m, is facing criminal charges over missing millions of pounds lent to his company."

Pondering his faux pas Norman wondered if he could make a comeback as a host for a new series of "Opportunity Knockers"

Thursday, July 13, 2006


Squealing with Delight - The Freitag Method

Many faithful readers may wonder where Squealer got his name.

While we all know that the Libdems do not have a normal sense of right and wrong, this goes far beyond even the most perverse conception of what is unacceptable. In an official, hilariously named leaflet, 'Winning Elections' the Libdems note, 'Some of the most reliable and useful Liberal Democrat deliverers are children...make sure their parents understand your needs, and that the children are observing them'.

Ahh excuse me? I was unaware child-slave labour was legal in the UK. How about the Libdems recongize the 'needs' of children to not be abused as a cheap tool of a dirty party.

But it gets worse. The leaflet describes the 'Freitag Method' which consists of, 'going into the middle of a council estate with your leaflets and you shout at all the local kids you can see and hear, 'any of you lot want to help deliver these leaflets?'. Then proceed Pied Piper like round the estate doling out badges and toffees and leaflets, the last at least to be pushed through doors by the shouting, squealing and quarrelsome hord'.

Where I come from people who hand out candy to kids to get them to do things are sick and creepy. Simple as that. Parents, lock up your children when the lib dem leaflet man comes to town! Catcher in the Rye more like Libdems in the Lie!

In his memoirs Piper regretted working for the Lib Dems


Advancing the cause of women, or not...

An interesting letter in today's Dundee Courier, which we reproduce below.
Lib Dems not so egalitarian?

Sir,—Though the Scottish parliament is often criticised, one aspect shines. The better working conditions and less adversarial atmosphere than Westminster has encouraged more women to become MSPs. There are, proportionally, nearly double the number with 39% of MSPs being female, compared to 21% of MPs.

Every party has made strides in encouraging female candidates. There is one, surprising, exception, the Liberal Democrats. They have only two female MSPs out of the 17, some 12%. In Westminster, 14% of their MPs are female. Can it be true that this, often painfully, liberal party is not as egalitarian as it makes out?

If I was a female Lib Dem member or voter I would certainly be asking some questions.

Jeff Todd.Daisy Cottage,Yeaman
We here at Fib Dem Towers would never consider using female representation for the sake of a cheap joke, we feel the above letter raises a significant question, and we would be delighted to hear from any Lib Dems, particularly those of the female persuasion, who can explain this anomaly.

EDIT - It seems that the Fawcett Society was warning in 2004 of the Lib Dems' poor record on female representation. Did the report fall on deaf ears in the 2005 election?

Also, Sandra Gidley, the then Shadow Womens Minister, was criticising Labour over female representation issues in 2003. Did she bother to check her party's record?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


Nuclear Nora

Nora Radcliffe says that nuclear energy is not the answer.

That clears that up then.

When will her party start voting for motions in parliament which say so?

We wait with baited breath.

Monday, July 10, 2006


More Fibbing in Fife

Andrew "Fatty" Arbuckle MSP has reacted to reports that he is, for want of a better word, up the creek after failing to top the list for Mid Scotland and Fife in 2007. His letter to The Courier can be found here.

What Andrew fails to realise is, in order to get these two lists seats he harps on about, the Fibs need to make no progress in FPTP seats.

By putting this letter into the paper he has admitted that they will not win any new seats in Fife in 2007.

In fairness, given the performance of Willie Rennie since the Great Dunfermline Swindle , it is hardly surprising.

Losing Here

Friday, July 07, 2006


Just What Are The Tax Proposals?!?!

Readers will recall a recent article on the subject of tax cuts being floated by the Scottish Fibs in advance of the 2007 election.

With thanks to Yellow Peril, we have more on this issue courtesy of Edinburgh Evening News.

Just what are the Fibs playing at? Are they going to cut taxes or raise them?

The article states that the 2p cut will be part of "balanced proposals" presumably meaning that people will be hit elsewhere for their money.

Of course the Fibs won't actually TELL us where they are going to hit people for extra taxation to make up the shortfall in income tax. Since the powers for other taxes do not actually rest with the Scottish Parliament.

Perhaps it might have something to do with their plans to hammer motorists who use "gas guzzling" cars. As evidenced here by their UK Environment Spokesman Chris Huhne.

I wonder how this squares with the sort of things old Porridge was highlighting from Dodgy Danny's debate in Westminster.

David couldn't understand why he had no money, those nice Liberals told him they would make him pay less tax and less for fuel so he bought a big Mercedes, which they then taxed him to the hilt for...


Fibbing in Fife

Alex Cole-Hamilton, former FibDem Storyteller-in-Chief at the Scottish Parliament is in a celebratory mood following his success at topping the party list in Mid-Scotland and Fife.

Alex's blog can be found here, we at FibDem Towers cannot accept responsibility for any injuries sustained while laughing at the content.

The following remark in his blog caught the eye:
"As pundits and polling suggest that we will get at least 2 off this list next year I am delighted to have been selected along with Andrew Arbuckle, an excellent MSP and a great friend."

One wonders if this is the same sort of polling that had them on 33% in Moray...

Nevertheless, it does beg the question, just what would it need for them to take 2 list seats in MS&F at the 2007 election?

Firstly, they would need to make no FPTP gains, so it seems any repeat of Dunfermline has been written off by Alex, we hope that the journos who read us are taking note.

There then comes the position of the Liberal Democrats in the mindset of the voters of Mid-Scotland and Fife. Do they consider them trustworthy types, we wonder?

Let us take the example of the man who was, up until recently, the Lib Dem MSP for Mid Scotland and Fife. Mr Keith Raffan.

Oh, OK, that was probably a bad choice, but the voters will have forgotten all about that one. Let us instead turn to the fine example being set by the man who replaced him, Mr Andrew Arbuckle.

Just in case you don't click on Andrew's name, we'll highlight this passage:
Among the MSP turncoats one name stands out. Andrew Arbuckle is a member of the joint bridge board. He has long been a staunch advocate of a toll-free road system. Fifteen months ago, Mr Arbuckle objected to tolls on the Tay rising. This is what he said:
“Twenty-five per cent of tolls collected go to pay staff wages, with a further 30% going to cover finance charges.

“I was looking forward to a time when the bridge would be toll-free as part of the national road network, but as things stand, motorists are getting fleeced.”

But yesterday it was the voters who indirectly sent Mr Arbuckle to Holyrood who were fleeced. They may have thought he said what he meant and meant what he said. But the truth is he failed to vote against the very tolls he has so long castigated.

Mr Arbuckle told the chamber he was concerned about the future of bridge staff, outstanding debt and maintenance. That is humbug. What really galls is that, as a list MSP, he has a very good chance of being re-elected despite his hypocrisy. There is no justice.
Whoopsadaisy indeed. Well, at least there's always the record of that great by-election swindler to fall back on in case of emergency. After all, he's still being doused in euphoria after managing to con the voters of Dunfermline and West Fife. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Willie Rennie.

Oh well, never mind Alex, there's a career in fiction writing out there for you yet!

Thursday, July 06, 2006



What a pasting the Fibs took in Parliament for their most recent example of opportunism dressed up as principle. It was bloody as a MPs from the most ideologically divergent parties piled in to expose the simpering likes of Danny Alexander, Julia Goldsworth, John Thurso and Chris Huhne.

Just read the debate here and marvel at the sweat and tears you see oozing from the pages as the Fibs pretend to be the motorists friend and saying they'll decrease fuel tax whilst having a policy that would increase it. You'll find that here.

Old Porridge hopes that this triangulated gun fire on the people who pollute politics with their opportunism will be seen more often. One wonders if they have been reading FibDems to pick up tips?

But nevertheless let us line them up to be mentioned in despatches for well planned ambush. Let's hear it for...

Andrew Turner

John Bercow

Rob Marris

John Healey

Paul Goodman

David Taylor

Stewart Hosie

Mark Lazarowicz

Brooks Newmark

You did the cause of truth and true political debate proud.

But I'm not finished yet as there may have been something you miss in reading the debate.

At two points Mr Alexander promised to answer interventions put to him later on in his speech:

Mr. Andrew Turner (Isle of Wight) (Con): The hon. Gentleman mentions some exceptionally distant rural areas and says that motoring is the only option, but that cannot be the case in the islands of Scotland, because ferries will be important as well. Where does he expect the line to be drawn between remote areas that would benefit from his new clause and non-remote areas that would not so benefit?

Danny Alexander: The hon. Gentleman anticipates a later part of my remarks, so if he will allow me I will press on.


Rob Marris: The hon. Gentleman is being very generous in giving way. He was talking about an anomalous situation before. Is not his proposal somewhat anomalous in light of the Liberal Democrats’ proposals to increase green taxes? This seems to be going in completely the opposite direction; it is putting down the price of fuel.

Danny Alexander: The hon. Gentleman anticipates my concluding remarks, in which I will address that point directly.

Old Porridge has done a quick 'find' on the relevant web pages and can't find Mr Alexander addressing 'ferries' or 'green' at all.

Such dishonourable behaviour on the floor of the House Mr Alexander. Tut, tut. Hoping your fellow MPs wouldn't notice your feeble attempt to avoid answering the question Dodgy?

There was loud sniggering from the Commons when Danny
claimed he was the proud owner of a fully working Spitfire.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006


Mr 33%

Charles Dundas, erstwhile Livingston Fib Dem candidate, occasionally mediocre press officer and all-round political chancer, has been revealed as the man behind the spectacularly awful Fib Dem campaign in Moray.

Not only did old Chuck produce an out of the blue opinion poll claiming that Linda Gorn was sat on around 32% support in advance of the poll, but he then managed to find an extra 1% for the polling day newspaper which they delivered round the doors.

MisterInquisitor is just back from a long lunch with a freelance journo who called Charles after the result where the Libs took 19% of the vote, down 14% on their predictions.

Charles apparently informed said journalist that the 33% figure was based on a very small sample of 600 people, and an election involves so many more people than that.

Basically, to translate for our viewers "We made it up guv".

It is clear that voters and the media are getting wise to the tactics of the Libs, and Charles had better be careful in future as it is clear his card is well and truly marked after Moray.

"I'll just sweep my crap performance in Moray under the carpet and maybe nobody will notice."


Dodgy Dealings

Once again, FibDems' Aberdeen mole comes up with the goods.

As if it wasn't bad enough that the UK Fibs have accepted money from Michael Brown which could cause them problems, it seems that Nicol Stephen, who could maybe have got away with that one, has landed in it big time.

The local newspaper in Aberdeen, the Press & Journal, has today broken a story of two donations of £1200 each, made to the constituency party of Nicol Stephen by one Ian Suttie.

Ian Suttie for those who are unaware was the man who controversially took over Richards Textiles in Aberdeen and then watched as the company collapsed, 190 workers were left jobless and without pay overnight, and the pension scheme was more or less obliterated.

He has also been investigated for tax fraud, but was cleared after a three day trial where he claimed he did not know his bank account paid interest and so did not realise he was tax liable.

We at FibDem Towers suspect this one could have legs.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


Has anyone seen their leader?

Don't let a Fib tell you that they have absolute confidence in their leader. It seems that with Scottish Parliament elections looming next year they're keeching themselves that Ming's appalling leadership and judgement will drag them down.

Combined with Nicol Stephen's hilarious comedy routine of a meglomaniac the words is that they think he's overdone it and they've set themselves up for a fall.

Is Porridge being a bit too conspiratorial you say? No. I've just been looking at their website.

Exhibit A - Before (now you see him):

Exhibit B - After (now you don't):

What? Just a website change? Well, there's this little news item trying to bum up Charlie Kennedy's comeback as their main campaign tool. Trash-it Scott says "We will use Charles Kennedy at the Scottish election. He was devastating at Dunfermline."

Hmmm. Was that the by-election of which Alan Cochrane said: "Willie Rennie and the Liberal Democrats fought an entirely fraudulent campaign based on a wholly bogus prospectus"?

The one where Trash-it was exposed in the Dundee Courier for hypocrisy?

And just in case anyone thinks Charlie is some golden age of FibDem honesty...

"People want honesty… It should be about being straight with people, telling it as it is, being honest and direct, appealing to hopes and aspirations rather than playing upon fears and divisions"

- Charlie Kennedy 4 July 2002

"Sometimes in politics you’ve got to lie"

- Charlie Kennedy 2 May 2002

And as for his principled position on Iraq...

There was some doubt as to Charlie's claim
that he had given up lighting his farts


Our Hero for the Day

The Right Honourable Douglas Alexander MP

Whilst some of us at FibDem Towers may have our differences with Dougie (and others lavish him with unstinting praise all the time - you know who you are JS) we at FibDems have had to congratulate him in taking the Fibs well and truly apart at Scottish Questions today.

Mind you he couldn't have achieved it without the incredible dimwittedness of the Fibs towering collusus of a Shadow Scotland spokesgal - one Josephine Swinson.

It takes some depths of dimness to follow up a question by your ousted predecessor - one General Melchett of the Red Face of Ulbster - on an issue where he is at absolute odds with the party line; that being the issue of nuclear power. Melchie loves the stuff whilst the party is wanting to con green voters into thinking they are on their side.

As anyone who reads FibDems know the Fibs are all over the shop, the forecourt and the wee bit where you park your trolley on their nuclear policy. ("Just nuclear?" I hear you say)

Mind you, considering questions like this such tactical idiocy from Jo should not be a surprise.

What was a surprise was that it must have been one of the rarest occassions in Parliament when Labour, the Nats, and the Tories found something to laugh about in unison.

My wee clipe in the south tells me that already questions are now raging in the tea rooms about how long Josephine can last in her post. As long as she can we hope.

Jo wondered if she had set up the paddling pool on the wrong spot

PS - However I wouldn't like Dougie to think that my feelings are long term. Tomorrow I'll be back to my grumpy self.


Costly stuff

Cambridgeshire Lib Dems are getting their knickers in a twist over the amount of money being spent on external consultants by Cambridge County Council.

As Councillor Nigel Bell says himself:

"Surely there has to be a more cost-effective way of getting this work done?"

Perhaps he should consult with his colleagues in charge of Aberdeen City and Aberdeenshire Councils. Who have managed between them to spend £3 million on consultants in the last year. This against a background of service cuts.

Yet again Lib Dems sounding off without paying heed to what their colleagues are up to elsewhere.

Perhaps they should "consult" with each other more often...

Monday, July 03, 2006


Taxing Times

It seems that the Scottish Libs are looking for a distinctive policy to set them apart from the other parties at the next election.

The indication, according to the press, is that they will propose to cut income tax by 2p in the pound using the fiscal levers at Holyrood.

Interesting stuff, but what did their Treasury spokesman have to say about such pledges when the Tories were talking about tax cuts?

Over to you Vince.

“It’s obvious that the Conservative Party believe they can’t win the next General Election as they continue to make promises with money they don’t have.

“Fairer taxation is a desirable aim but it is an empty promise unless clear costings of policies are published..."

So, when will Nicol tell us which public services he is going to cut?

Saturday, July 01, 2006


Proud to Lie

Old Porridge is writing a stern and, if I might say so myself, rather witty letter to the party leader asking that he get the finger out and deal with the Literal Decievers of British politics.

One does have to ask how often they can get away with selling the same nag after three by-elections this year have showed up the worst of their behaviour to those who give a recessmonkey about politics but not to the disengaged voters who are unaware of the lies they are being told?

With my devastating epistle I will be sending the leader a box of these...

(Those are for going through the Fibs literature finely Mr Cameron)

...and one of these...

(For telling the voters what lies they are telling Dave)

My advice is simple - Don't let it happen again. Get this out...

Nevertheless the reaction of smuggery from the Fibs is as expected. "Sensational", "stupendous", "ground breaking" and "did the earth move for you, honey" have been some of their reactions - well apart from the last one. Old Minger was even saying what a strong candidate Ben Abbots was.

If he were so strong Ming why couldn't scrub off this graffiti?:

Along with that he didn't seem to have that much strength in helping third world children - again only hanging about for a few hours for a photo.

He also pretended to be local and traduced Bob Neill for not being local - hypocrisy.

Again spread snide smears about Bob Neill haveing more than one job when he, his party and his leader are also multi-taskers (except at grafitti removal obviously).

And told the usual whoppers like abolishing tuition fees.

All I can say is that it is still a relief that Bromley didn't end up buying the old banger sold as a Ferrari.

No, not that old banger.

Nor that one.

That's a middle aged one.

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